When life falls apart, it is difficult, I can relate with the way you feel because I’ve been there.
If you feel as if literally nothing is working out for you, or life just doesn’t seem to cooperate with you, we just need some perspective to understand that it’s just a small phase. With the correct steps we can create a better situation for ourselves, I can relate because I’ve been in that position.
I’m passionate about writing this post since I’ve been through what you’re feeling right now. I hope this post will put you at ease and help you see the light at the end of the tunnel.
When you feel as if life is falling apart, or nothing seems to have structure. It’s important to maintain emotional and mental stability to think about solutions. Try thinking of it as an opportunity to reinvent yourself and take life in a direction that is better aligned to your passions.
1: Avoid doubting or judging yourself, when life falls apart.
When nothing seems to be working, it’s really easy to overly judge yourself for not having it together at a particular time. In fact, no one truly has their life together (me included).
It’s important to remember that we’re constantly a work in progress. Not only that, but also understanding that not everything is in our control, as much as we try.
Judging ourselves takes us away from truly focusing on solutions and finding some stability within ourselves. It might just have been a matter of time before things fell apart, just for it to replace by something better.
So, overly judging ourselves and doubting our abilities, just works against us. Unnecessarily draining our emotional energy.
Practising self – compassion should also be a priority for us. Especially when were going through challenges in our life.
2: When life falls apart, it’s easy to catastrophize.
It’s really easy for us to blow up the negative aspects of our situation. However, do understand that it really isn’t as bad as it seems.
The moment our lives fall apart, were drowned by intense emotions of anxiety, fear and feelings of uncertainty. These feelings make it seem as though our situation is much bigger and more complex that it really is.
We might often think to our selves,
“will I ever be able to overcome this?”, I used to ask myself this a lot of times in the past, perhaps you can relate. In the end, I actually ended overcoming it just fine, and you can too.
Often times, I’ve been in situations where I thought that there was no way out. After crying and battling with myself over why I can’t get it together, I mentally reached a place where I was able to focus on solutions and opportunities. And let me tell you, there were plenty of solutions, some of which I had never considered before.
So, it’s always better to give yourself some space and time to get yourself emotionally stable to avoid making irrational decisions.
Normally, catastrophizing could take the form of events that may or may not occur, and we could be repeating these thoughts. Which could lead into the formation of a habit.
Michael W. Vasey puts it really interestingly,
worriers’ have more ready access to elaborate memory stores of answers to catastrophic “what if?” questions that have been acquired through frequent repetition.Michael W. Vasey & Thomas D. Borkovec | A catastrophizing assessment of worrisome thoughts.
I love this quote, because it really puts into perspective on how we need to be aware of the stories we tell ourselves. Being realistic about the situation instead of creating thoughts can make it seem as though our situation is worse that it really is.
3: You’ll see that in the end, it all works out. (Even if it fell apart).
Even in the worst of situations, you will see that life has an interesting way of working itself out. Things can often fall apart because they might not be very good for us. However, we will only realize this when we look back at life. We’ll often realize that what happened was actually the best thing. If you need more help to better understand this, below is a table of examples of peoples lives. It clearly illustrated how, although nothing seemed to work in their lives, they eventually found opportunities for themselves.
Everyone’s situation is different, but this pattern is fairly consistent. We can use it as inspiration to overcome our own battles.
|Example.||How their life fell apart.||How things fell in place.|
|Akio Morita||Product failed, lost business||Invented pocket sized radio, now Sony.|
|Thomas Edison.||Told he was too stupid to learn. no future prospects.||Invented the phonograph,practical (light bulb).|
|Abraham Lincoln||Setsback in business and lawschool with depression.||Kept moving, was elected president in 1860.|
|Theodor Seuss Giesel||First book rejected by 27 publishers,||life fell in place, met a freind to find him a publisher, sold 600 million books.|
|J.K. Rowling||Single mom, unemployed. |
Rejected by 12 publishers.
|Rebuilt her life, worth around 1 Billion today.|
|Elvis Presely||Was told “youre never going to make it as a singer, get back to driving trucks”||Simply put “The King”|
|Ovrville & Wilbur Wright||Faced several crashes||Went beyong the limit of gravity on December 17 1903.|
|Henry Ford||First batch had too many problems.||Used feedback to improve product that lead to success.|
I hope these examples give you some ideas on how at one point, everything in their lives felt apart, yet they were able to pull through.
4: Actions you can take today, if your life is falling apart.
How we act, in the present, inventively has a knock-on effect on our future. So taking the correct action steps that help us move in a positive direction, whilst balancing our emotions, is essential.
I just want to emphasize the importance of being present, with an amazing point made by Felsman.P.
Focusing on the present, predicted improvements in life satisfaction (but not happiness) overtime by reducing negative rumination.Felsman, P, Verduyn, P, Ayduk, O, & Kross, E | Being present: Focusing on the present predicts improvements in life satisfaction but not happiness.
Focusing on the present when help us maintain stability when life is falling apart, however, achieving happiness and passion in life requires having a vision to strive for.
Once were stable, were able to take steps towards creating a truly fulfilling life.
Here are a few ideas that might inspire you.
- Take care of your emotions first, if you need to cry, it’s ok.
- Note down all that did not work, helps you get a better overview of the situation.
- Note all the resources you have.
- Take a walk, take your mind out of the situation a bit.
- Note down exactly where you see your life long term.
- Read a biography of someone who might have been through something similar.
- Share stories, with a loved one, friend or a supportive online community.
- Talk to a counsellor.
- Most importantly, it might not seem like it, but release that whatever that is going on is for the best.
5: How do you keep going when life is falling apart.
In times when don’t really understand the direction of our lives, we might find it difficult to keep going.
This especially true in my case when I faced difficulties over and over again, when running my business. It almost felt like, it simply wasn’t worth the effort to keep going.
The best piece of advice that I can hopefully provide would be, taking each day as it comes, focusing on the present and how you’re feeling now can be super helpful.
Perhaps you might be dealing with some kind of failure, which be difficult, especially if it meant a lot to you. I was inspired to write a separate post on a few powerful strategies on dealing with failure. Have experience failure, but it’s not the end of the world. You still have potential for amazing things in life.
There are 3 main points that come to mind.
The point below really helped me get through a time when I thought life was simply falling apart. I understand everyone’s situation might be different, hopefully these tips can inspire you in some way, give you some confidence and faith to push through.
Take on a good habit. Yes, even when life falls apart.
This is one of the best things that really helped maintain persistence through difficult circumstances. Whether it’s meditating, taking a walk or generally anything you love, building a good habit and consistently sticking to it gives us more resilience. The most important thing here is to truly enjoy that activity, because sticking to a habit is a lot more difficult if we don’t gravitate to it from the heart.
Trying new things can help you find activities you love. In fact, sometimes, the biggest failure can be not trying at all. So don’t be afraid in trying new things, developing a passion and turning it into a healthy habit you can stick to.
Even if you feel as your life is falling apart, a good habit can help you adopt more positivity. Especially if you’re consistent, whether it’s an hour or 5 minutes, make some time for it, and you’ll see how your perspective starts to change to positivity.
Small, tiny actions lead to big results overtime.
Since I touched a little on building a good/healthy habit around something you truly love. It sometimes only takes small positive actions to get us through times when life is falling apart.
I understand that it can be difficult to take action in times like this. However, it only takes small, tiny actions done with consistency that our lives can begin to slowly change.
To put this in perspective, watering a plant may seem like a fairly small, mundane task. However, when we consistently do this, we end up with a beautiful flower to look at.
Our lives can work similarly. When we consistently take action, we can truly rebuild after life has fallen apart.
Having a vision gives perspective, when everything seems bleak.
This is one of my favourite points to include, mainly because It’s helped me so much.
Having a vision fundamentally gives us a reason to help keep going, especially when life is falling is apart.
When we clearly identify and visualize where we want to be, we get better perspective. We see that although were going through difficulties right now, a better life awaits us in the future.
You just need to have some foresight, a vision or a goal that you can strive for. When we visualize, an action plan can then come together. With this clarity, you’ll see that everything you do will be out of inspiration, passion and a great sense of purpose.
You’ll also gain the understanding that all that is going on right now is just temporary, and actually giving you the attributes needed for your success.
Colle Scanlon beautifully says,
“To create a vision is to shine light in a dark corner, to help another find a new perspective, and to facilitate strength in broken places”.Colleen Scanlon | Creating a Vision of Hope: The Challenge of Palliative Care
I like how the quote above puts into perspective, how a cultivating vision can help us cope in dark times in our lives and gives perspective. A strong vision help us see through the struggles, to where we really want to be.
6: Helping someone whose life is falling apart.
If we’ve been through a situation where we felt that our life was falling apart. We should use that experience to help others on their journey.
It’s important to remember that approaching them with empathy is really important. This can help build trust, which enables them to communicate and open up about their situation within the safe space you create.
However, it’s important not to simply rush in and try conversing with them. Give them time and space to deal with their emotions and situation independently, when you feel they’re really, you can try initiating conversation.
I explore is more detail, when I was writing a post about helping others overcome failure, This is where I explore simple strategies that enables you to help others in the best way.
It’s best to do this from a place of compassion, they need to know that you have pure intentions.
Points to consider when helping someone in this life circumstance.
Try placing yourself in their shoes.
We can do this by getting a better understanding of how their life might have fallen apart. Asking open-ended questions can be the way to go. Also, acknowledging their feelings is important, we should not be ignorant on how they feel.
Consider that everyone in their world view is right, when they say that life is falling apart, try being on the same page with them, but also acknowledge that there are solutions.
How much has it affected them mentally and emotionally?
According to how much the situation has affected them, will determine how you might communicate with them. They might not be ready to focus on solutions just yet, and they simply need some consoling. On the flip side, they’re ready to focus on solutions after their life has fallen apart, they might just feel directionless.
Either way, it’s important that we tailor our communication, to the person and their situation.
A heart-to-heart conversation can go a long way.
A conversation can go a really long way for someone who’s life has fallen apart. Being honest and authentic in our approach can really help.
Most importantly, help them see the positive. Whilst, motivating them to realize their abilities and strengths.
I love the point made by Michael beer on how
This really emphasizes on the importance of honesty and how it can really support to help other move forward and feel inspired.
Make them aware of their abilities.
We all have some level of abilities, to achieve whatever goal that we desire. Even though someone goes through difficulties and hardships in life, it doesn’t mean that they’re in capable of reaching their goals.
However, when our lives fall apart, we often convince ourselves that were good for nothing, which simply isn’t true.
Making others aware of their abilities, strengths and qualities gives them immense confidence.
Sometimes, failure can make us more intelligent in some aspects. We’ve often, learnt, grown and developed from it. Taking the lesson and use it to achieve the goals we want to achieve.
What to tell someone whose life is falling apart?
Talking to someone who’s life has fallen apart is quite sensitive, we need to approach them by considering their needs and emotions. How we talk to someone at this stage would determine, wether of not they would trust us enough to communicate about their problems.
Here are some ideas around phrases you could use, hope this help you spark some ideas. Some of these phrases I’ve actually told myself when I’ve had difficult times.
- I get it, I’ve been there.
- You’re really strong for getting through this.
- This too shall pass.
- Do you know what you really want out of life?
- Let’s create a picture of what life will look in the next 5 years.
- Hey, this is the perfect time to exploring something new.
- This is all just part of the process.
- When you look back at life, you’ll realize that this was the best that ever happened.
When our lives fall apart, it can be a difficult experience. However, when we see from the perspective of it being an opportunity to reinvent ourselves, it doesn’t seem so bad.
The above points have mainly come from my experiences, when I had come across life simply falling apart. I admit it was difficult, however I was able to pull through and become a stronger and more intelligent version of myself. I hope to this article give you that inspiration to push through and come out stronger on the other side.
Before I close this article (ill hopefully be adding to this article if I’m sparked with new ideas.
Here’s a quick question to get you thinking.
When was the last time that you felt that your life fell apart, what was the most powerful thing you did to overcome it?
I’d love any feedback whether this article really helped, or even if it didn’t. I’m all ears.